The Goop Lab, Episode 1: Psychedelic Therapy

Folks, Gwyneth Paltrow has struck my curiosity bone, so I’ve decided to give her show a chance. There are only six episodes, so hopefully, I can get through them all, but today, I start with #1…

The show opens on a preview of Gwyneth’s team traveling to Jamaica to take psychedelics, or ‘shrooms as the cool kids call it. We quickly revert to Gwyneth and Elise talking to two men; the first, a wise sage, and the other a swami touting the psychotherapeutic benefits of ‘shrooms. Gwyneth uses a LOT of big words to throw us off that she is sending her people to go on a crazy drug-filled road trip, but I’m on to her little game. Gwynnie is asking the Swami and Sage more about their program. How Gwyneth puts it: I would personally like to know more about the trajectory of using psychedelics as a healing modality. Translation: Dude, where do I get the ‘shrooms that will get me off on a great acid trip?

G picks a bunch of her people from Goop to experience the trip to Jamaica for the healing power the ‘shrooms will give them all. Here’s something not too healing…Elise, a producer, is riding in first class on the plane, while the others are not. That does not seem very Zen of Gwyneth to force her people to ride with the common folk. Elise flips them off as they are walking by. Mean.

Now G’s employees are in Jamaica discussing their reasons for taking the drug. Elise says, “I would like to understand myself in the context of the bigger universe.” Wow, these people are super deep. The guru tells her that she can’t do anything wrong, so she just needs to relax. I bet it feels so good to know it’s okay to just be you. Raise your hand if you already knew that. And if you didn’t know it, for goodness sake, just be you. Who else could you be anyway? Each employee is asked by the ‘shroom staff why they are there, and each of them want more meaning in their life.

Note to viewers: Psychedelics amplify painful memories and the swami, who by the way, I shall call Swami Rapunzel because his braided ponytail reaches his hips, lets us know that psychedelics must be taken in the right environment. DO NOT TAKE PSYCHEDELICS AT HOME. I’m glad I got that PSA out of the way.

The clinicians put the psychedelic in their tea, stating, “This is a sacrament, so we can be with the spirit of the mushroom.” They all sit their straight-faced. The spirit of the mushroom? I would have been on the floor laughing.

The guy directing everything tells them to let go of their name, job title, time, and gender. Why is letting go of your gender important? I honestly don’t think of my gender that much. If asked, I know how to answer, but other than that, nothing.

They show a case study of a guy who they gave MDMA to in order to help him with his PTSD. He says, “At first I didn’t believe it, but everyone said MDMA was cool, so why not?” Good attitude, buddy. He claims it has been successful in helping him with suicidal thoughts, so that’s a good thing.

Swami Rapunzel participated in a legal MDMA study, because he had to. Because he couldn’t ask his patients to do it if he hadn’t experienced it himself, right? At this point, Gwyneth says she needs some MDMA. Elise throws her under the bus, and says, “You took some once didn’t you?” So Gwyneth replies, “Yeah, I did. In Mexico. I was with my husband who is a deeply profound person, so he helped me through it.” Note to self: Must find a deeply profound person to accompany me on my Ecstasy journey.

Back to the employees taking the ‘shrooms. Some are giggling uncontrollably; some are giggling hysterically. I’ll be honest, I’m embarrassed for them.  It’s like being on a drunk jag and you wake up the next day regretting everything. I see that in store for them.

Another case study showed a young lady who bought copious amounts of ‘shrooms, put them into her freezer, then took them out on a every day and ground them into her smoothies in order to micro-dose psychedelics daily and feel better. She’s been doing it for six years. That girl’s a thinker.

Swami Rapunzel believes that emotions and memories are stored in our bodies and through psychedelic therapy, some of our problems can be cured. As I see these people crying and in pain, I’monna be honest with you, I’m taking a hard pass on the ‘shrooms. They’re all laying on the floor and staring lovingly at each other, which is great, but huh? I love my besties, but this is an experience I think I can do without.

Squirrel: You know what I’m noticing about Gwynnie, I think she has some majorly gray roots. Am I wrong? Is that just a cool Goop thing to do? Like, she’s going to age gracefully, and since Goop hasn’t come out with a hair dye product made from someone’s private parts, she’s not going to dye her hair?

Hold it, Gwyneth just showed how unconnected to the normal world she is. She let us know that people don’t understand that she, too, has had great trauma in her life, but due to the “Systemic cultural lack of connection” (Gwynnie’s words, not mine) people can’t understand that.

Elise, the producer, says that more work teams should share the mushroom experience. For a free trip to Jamaica, I may have to put in a request. Swami Rapunzel suggested that maybe Goop and MDMA could collaborate and do some professional development together, Gwyn says in her very droll voice, “Sounds like a Christmas party.” And they all throw back their heads and laugh.

Gwyneth is now talking to Kevin about his experience and telling him how “incredibly brave” he is. I’m lost here. SO, someone who has an all expense paid vacation to Jamaica to take psychedelic drugs is brave? Oh people, I know she’s talking about the fact that he wasn’t hugged as a child, but let’s get real here. We all have our issues. Life moves one way, and that’s forward. So point yourself in that direction and leave everything else behind. Bobs out.

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