Pete and the girls arrive in Lima, Peru. I am obsessed with Hannah Ann’s jumpsuit. Kelley did not expect to be in Lima, but she knows it’s super pretty, and there are alpacas. She thinks it will be exciting to see them and wants Peter to make sure she rides one. At this point, she’s totally into Peter because she knows he’s the ticket to an alpaca ride. No date= No alpacas. Peter is very pensive; yes, I know big words. He happens upon some artwork and stares longingly at a painting of a windmill. That made me LOL. He is STILL thinking of Hannah B. Move on, sweet Pete!! Or is he just fond of windmills now?
Pete goes to talk to the girls with his big old Band-Aid on his sweet forehead. I’m wondering if he has to take like 20 Aleve a day. He asks the girls to seriously consider if they see a life with him. Madi Prew feels like she needs to have a conversation with Pete about what that life would look like. I would think that would be something they all would want to do.
Madi gets the first date. She’s emotional, excited, and she wants to dance. That’s a home run for sweet Pete! Madi runs over to meet him, but does not wrap her legs around the man, a first in Bachelor history! Much like a young child, Peter shows Madi his owie. He no longer has to wear a Band-aid, and he’s very proud that he can show the world his wound.
Yikes, did Peter just give Madi the kiss of death? He told us he can see her as his best friend. Uh oh, Friend zone? Wait, he then goes on to say something along the lines of, “but also someone I can do the horizontal mambo with.” Madi is back in play. Madison tells him she cares about him, which makes big Pete AND little Pete happy, so they lay on the front of the boat and proceed to have outercourse.
What’s this? Back at the hotel, the girls are chatting and reveal that Madi’s VERY religious and wants her husband to be the spiritual leader of the household. Could Madi be the elusive virgin of whom we have heard tales in the previews?
Meanwhile, Peter and Madi are dancing (shocker) and Peter takes Madi to a non-dinner in the courtyard. Madi tells Peter that this has been really hard, and… Peter stops her here, and with his usual confused look says, “Why, though? Why has it been hard?” Seriously, Pete? Madi replies with the normal, well, I want a marriage that works, and I want someone like my dad, and I have a very strong faith, and I want my dad to approve….HUGE awkward silence, until Peter realizes she is waiting for an answer from him. He tells her he has been raised in a Christian household and he has faith, but he does feel his faith could be stronger, and he wrestles with that sometimes, but it’s something that is important to him. After much hemming and hawing, he says, “I feel so good about you. I know…….that I am falling in love with you.” Then he blows a heavy sigh out of his mouth. Question: Is he just prepping her for the Fantasy Suites? You know sexual chemistry is a huge part of Pete’s vibe. He’s going to want to test-drive the merch before he purchases.
Natasha and Peter are on their date, and tbh, I’m surprised Natasha is still with us. I honestly thought she would take herself out of the race long before now. When she’s happy and not angry, it softens her, and she’s quite attractive. Sadly, she’s been angry for most of the show. Not that I blame her. Of course, the two encounter some dancers in the street. Pete, do you have NO other interests? Producers, is there nothing else to see in Peru? At this point, I would welcome the sight of a windmill.
Natasha tells Peter that her last boyfriend told her she was too intense. Okay, so it wasn’t just me. They seem to be enjoying their date.
Back at the hotel, another date card appears. Kelsey is going on a date with Peter. Eff tells us that means there will be a three-on-one with Hannah Ann, Kelley, and herself.
Peter is thinking that he and Natasha get along really well, but he doesn’t know how he feels about Natasha compared to the other girls. Natasha, what are you wearing? I’m thinking it’s fab, but I can’t quite see it. Peter asks Natasha where she feels they are at now. This is really the first time I have heard a bachelor consistently ask his date where she feels they are. It’s good in a way, but I also think he leads them on. Natasha says she wants things to continue, and the camera pans to the hotel with the girls. Duh duh duh….The girls are just basically calling their bookies in Vegas to lay odds on Natasha coming back with a rose.
We pan to Peter who says he feels it’s more of a friendship with Natasha…They’re talking at their cocktail table. Peter grabs the rose, IS THAT A REQUIREMENT???, because then he tells her that he can’t give it to her. I am SO sick of Pete’s whisper voice, btw. I know he thinks he’s being really deep and thoughtful with it, but it’s just annoying. He tells her he hopes he didn’t wait too long to start things with her. Umm, Peter, you waited too long to start things with anyone, because you let the drama queens run the show there for quite a while….Peter walks Natasha out. Natasha exits with dignity, and I always applaud that.
Kelsey is getting ready for her date with Peter. She really is quite striking looking. She runs down the hill to greet sweet Pete and straddles him as if she were a professional riding bareback on an untamed stallion. (Is that even a thing?) Well, you know what I mean.
They go ATV riding, and it’s kind of funny, because Kelsey isn’t in love with this activity and is wildly shaking because the ride’s so bumpy. They stop at the steepest hill IN THE WORLD and Pete makes Kelsey run up the hill with him. She’s got like the tightest jeans in the world on, but still tries to run up. I’m telling you, it’s like a cliff, and they’re running straight up. You know the cameraman wants to kill them. They lay down to catch their breath, and Pete’s like, “We need to get in better shape. You know?” Huh? I’m not kidding, it was like an 80 degree incline, give a woman and yourself a break.
EFF and Kelley are talking about Kelsey. Eff says she won’t be surprised if she doesn’t come back, and Kelley votes that Kelsey WILL be back.
Pete and Kelsey are at their non-dinner, and Kelsey is worried about Peter meeting her folks. PP asks her to talk about them. Kels tells him her mom is probably already baking chocolate chip cookies, (yikes, I hope they’re fresh when he gets there), but her dad won’t be there. According to her, that’s okay. Kelsey continues to explain that shortly after she won Miss Iowa she tried to have a relationship with her dad, and, here’s where I get confused, it didn’t work, so she didn’t’ talk to him for quite a while, but now she IS talking to him, but her mom doesn’t know. At this point, PP’s eyebrows are on high-alert and he repeats, “Oh, your mom doesn’t know?” and she explains that she’ll tell her, but she doesn’t want anyone else’s interference for now. Of course, Pete completely understands, because, let’s face it, he’s a sucker for a vulnerable woman. Pete gives her a rose, because of her exceptional grace, so to prove her grace, she grabs his face and starts making out with him. He gives her the rose, and she knows she’s going to Iowa for hometowns. Our Kels has come a long way from Champagne-gate, hasn’t she?
The final date card comes in, and it says, “Tomorrow won’t be easy.” Hannah Ann confirms her knowledge of this by saying, “We all know tomorrow will be hard.” Kelley says she was annoyed when she realized last night she was on the three-in-one date, and she’s still annoyed today. The producers are playing off Kelley as the mean girl on this date, which may not bode well for her. Also, the all-white look is not flattering, Kel. Kelley mentions that Hannah Ann is a child and Eff is a hot mess, so Kelley doesn’t think Peter will have a problem recognizing the fabulousness that is Kelley. Peter takes Hannah Ann off first. After he takes her, Kelley lays down on the outdoor sofa and says, “I’ll be nappin’ here, see you in a bit” to the raised eyebrows of EFF. I’m with Eff on this one.
Pilot Pete talks to Hannah Ann, and she immediately pulls out the heavy artillery, crying, “This week’s been so hard on me. It could be the last time we’re together. I don’t want to let you go.” Okay, did I say she was crying? She is the biggest fake crier EVER! She keeps sniffing as if she’s crying, but there are no tears coming out of her eyes. She reads Pete some of the thoughts she has been thinking over the last few weeks, which could probably all be written on a small post-it note. Pete is moved by her sentiments and fake tears, which is really annoying.
Kelley goes back to talk to Pete. He asks her the million dollar question: Where do you think we are in the relationship? She basically tells him how wonderful she is, and that she is the perfect match, and she wants to just stop this nonsense, get a rose, and have fun. She wants Peter to get rid of the drama, but I’ma be honest with you, she’s kinda acting like a crazy person. I’m thinking Pete doesn’t think Kelley is half as great as she is, even if she is a lawyer.
Pete talks to Eff who immediately goes on the defense telling Peter he is always in a “mood” every time she’s with him. FINALLY, he sticks up for himself and tells her that he’s NOT in a mood every time they are together, but she has given him reason to worry that she may not be at the same level he is, so he’s going to pursue that if he has to. Okay, see if you’re with me on this…I think EFF wants to be on the show. I think she’s stretching it out for as long as she can, but I truly believe she has ZERO interest in Pete. Comment and let me know what you think!!
Kelley keeps saying, “Look at me, I’m an attorney. Just give me the rose.” I’m thinking this could be bad news. Peter is a pilot, it’s not like he doesn’t have personal income, Kelley. Peter comes back to the girls and says he doesn’t need a dinner, and he is ready to give the roses now. He asks Eff if she will come with him. Kelley thinks he is NOT giving EFF a rose and that Pete’s kicking EFF to the curb. He has a rose in his hand, walks EFF to the limo, and that tricky trickster gives her the rose. She’s thrilled to have a hometown.
He then goes back to Kelley and Hannah Ann. Is he going to pull the old walk them to the car again trick? No, he asks Hannah Ann right in front of Kelley to take the rose. Literally, up until the point that he gives Hannah Ann the rose, Kelley has a shit-eating grin on her face, because she just knows he’s going to give it to her. But alas, the rose goes to HA. He asks Kelley if he can walk her out. Hannah Ann breaks down crying and snorting, which I’m not understanding, because she GOT a rose. At the limo, Kelley says these immortal parting words, “It sucks that it didn’t work out.” I’m sure you speak your truth there, Kelley, but I’m kind of glad you’re gone. You did not end this well. Kelley’s limo interview: “I have no idea why I’m in this car. The women that are left are little babies. He’s not able to make decisive decisions, then that’s on him. I’m glad he didn’t waste my time. Thank you for NOT coming to meet my family.” Oh Kel, your great lawyer status will surely net you another lawyer. Or perhaps a rich client. At the very least, someone on their way to prison…
Looks like there is MAJOR drama in Eff’s hometown visit. Eff pulls a Colton Underwood and walks away from everything. Madi admits to saving herself for marriage. Barbara’s tear-filled “Bring her home to us” plea is aired once again.
Outtakes: Peter has to explain the complicated situation that is “The Bachelor” to a Peruvian. He does not come off looking well. Bobs out.